I originally posted this in a group page on Facebook - I wanted to give these words another place to live outside of that space.
Hello.
I've been thinking a little about the ongoing issues in the United States and as a result it's made me reflect on life here in Aotearoa. I'm posting in here as opposed to my main timeline mostly because I like that this is a safe space for me to unpack my mind but I can do so knowing many of you may recognise the faces and voices I will speak with.
My facebook timeline is usually full of messages and musing from the world and for the most part I really enjoy seeing what friends and family have been up to, my twitter timeline is usually filled with strong opinion and anger but again I do find elements that help me understand and learn more of the world we live in. These two social media platforms are sometimes welcome distractions from the wider world, sometimes a bit too much of a distraction when I should be writing or working on my art (you know what I mean).
As of late both have become flooded, whipped up by a familiar storm and the tide that's swept across both has been pain, pain and anger. I'm drowning.
I know that there is much that we can count on as a blessing that life here in Aotearoa affords us, but I am also acutely aware of the price many have paid for this sense of safety. There are inequalities here that exist and for the most part the veneer of 'she'll be right mate' provides the thin skinned shield that keeps it hidden. But, beneath the surface it still festers and it does break through on occasion - Westlake Girls blackface - it infects and it poisons - Gisborne District Ccouncil Endeavour tribute - and it leaves scars (the list of these is sadly so long I have no idea where to start). I see well intentioned posts from my palagi friends trying to understand and find solutions to the issue of racism, relating their experiences of being allies, and I nod and think 'thanks bro' but I know that they don't understand the dread that builds in your gut when someone looks at you and demands to know 'what are you doing here?'. You know every eye in that place that has not seen what you have seen, those eyes no longer see you, they just see their fears.
The first time I was stopped by the police I was 10, they wanted to know what I was up to and where was I going - I was carrying bread and milk and me being me I thought two things, clown and run or just tell them I was walking home. I told them I was walking home and they left me alone after wanting to know where I lived. I have spent much of my time since trying to be the person that doesn't attract the attention of the police, being the responsible one as far as my parents and family were concerned. Serving the communities I have been a part of and trying to focus on and uplift as I move along.
I pour myself into my art to try cope and my art helps me make sense of the world but I am now at a point that I fear the face my art shows, my recent work has reflected this but I am also aware of the need to understand the deeper issues at play and how they play out.
Taula, or anchors like aiga, heritage and the understanding that the strength of relational spaces in the real world and the world woven by my ancestors keep me steady during storms and more than ever that connection has been my blessing. Sometimes though, especially when you see what is happening here and overseas and there is a sense of despair.
Sorry about the rant but as Samoan language week comes to its conclusion I thought it right to share one phrase my mum would share with me - Aua e te popole. Don't fret/stress/worry.
Every now and then I hear her voice whisper this to me and I am comforted, the comfort is in the realisation that to serve our communities is the right thing to do. To do what is right for our people is the right thing to do - to see the struggles of those who understand us and support them is the right thing to do. Don’t stress, don’t frett, don’t worry - do the right thing.
Rant over.
Alofa and respect aiga <3
Manurewa Sunset